Finding Time for Sex after Children (Part 1)

     Day 2 and I've already gotten a suggestion! This is exactly what I want, viewer participation, so I wanted to jump right in and address it.

     "I wold love for you to address how a love life changes with time, especially going form having little kids (toddlers and preschoolers) to older kids. I feel like raising children is so energy consuming and it really makes everything else, like sex, secondary."

     As  I'm sure many of you are aware, children complicate your life to a degree. Every parent has had at least one incident with a child walking into the bedroom at exactly the wrong time ( I know I have ) The scrambling with the covers, the look of horror, the questions running through your head. . . What if they saw? what will they think? Will there be therapy bills in our future? 

     It started me to thinking and trying to remember what we did when the kids were little. (For the record, my memory for some things is really quite porous).  I remember us both working, the kids in daycare, and then running around the house trying to clean, cook, shop, drs visits, outings, and other various "Family Stuff" and realized, yes, there really wasn't alot of time for sexual anything, let alone satisfaction.

     So it came down to 2 choices, forego sex, or become creative. (I wasn't at all happy with the idea of the former!) So the latter it was! And let me tell you, right here and now, you have no idea how creative you can be when you have toddlers running around. We would take any and every opportunity we could find to get in a "quicky", Nap time was perfect during the weekend, or helping carry laundry upstairs (after setting up blues clues or teletubbies on the TV) but that presents a whole new set of problems. We could never be out of earshot, we had to learn to either stifle our verbalizations, or otherwise muffle them, and we learned to pad where the flesh met, or you get uncomfortable questions like "I heard you spanking mommy, why?" 

     So great, he gets off, but what about her? Yes, quickys do tend to be one sided. This is where communication comes into play. Talk with your partner, work out a plan. Maybe one day a week, your niece can come over and play with the kids while you 2 sneak away upstairs for an extended quicky. Or maybe say on Saturdays everyone gets nap time, that way everyone is well rested for a early bedtime to address the needs of both parents. Also, everyone thinks of getting a baby sitter for a night out of dinner and dancing, why not a night in of sexual debauchery? Find a sitter that will watch the wonderful products of love-fests gone by, in the comforts of their home, while you return to yours! and Men, score some extra points.  Send her to drop off the kids and surprise her with candles, her favorite flowers, a bottle of wine, and maybe some flavored lotion? 

     As the kids get older, of course you get more chances to excuse yourself from the room and earshot. It definitely gets easier, but you still have to be careful as they are more apt to wander. I am a big supporter of teaching your children to knock on any closed door before just walking in. This includes bathroom doors and bedroom doors. If its closed, knock! I am also not against a locking doorknob on the bedroom door. This enforces the knocking principal that's already being learned. But just because their older, doesn't mean you can get noisy, so there still may be a need to use a sitter now and again. And no, you're not neglecting your children by doing this. It helps in their cutting of the apron strings, teaches them important interaction skills with other people, and allows you time to unwind and be able to address other important matters in a relationship. 

     I hope this is what you were looking for and answers some of your questions. Keeping a healthy sexual relationship with your partner and raise a family can be stressful and seem like sex has to go out the window. All you have to do is be willing to talk with your partner and between the 2 of you, come up with ideas that you can work into your life, and then follow through with them. Your sexual health is an important part of your life. To put it on the back burner while you raise a family is only going to cause frustration, resentment, and maybe even unfaithfulness. Tend to all aspects of your family and relationship and satisfaction can be achieved. Thanks for the read and please post your comments or suggestions below! 

Namaste